The logs chap 11-16

The sky is slightly dark and gloomy with a light pour of rain on July 8th, 2012 as I sit in Starbucks and talk to you on this 3rd installment of My life or as we like to call it “The Logs”. I want to start off by saying welcome again to this road that we are all walking on together and Lord knows it’s not an easy one. The last chapters consisted of me telling you about the clothing line “Futuristic retro” that I was supposed to start and its now no longer coming along. It went in the dirt so to speak; when I found out that the very person who was the partner also thought of as a friend told me he felt that I wasn’t good in the field of music which was so shocking! I say shocking because I recorded my first album at his house!!! I mean it didn’t bother me one bit and I say that to say I didn’t let it stop me I honestly paid no attention to it. I look at it as if I did not have talent I wouldn’t have downloads or fans in other states, I mean really it just showed me that there isn’t to many that want to see me do anything. The last installment also consisted of me telling how I drank pretty much every day which is also a memory as well and Last but not least my life as a whole.



Furthermore, there is so much to tell you guys and I actually had to use a pad this time to write down everything because there are such huge gaps between each installment and I have to get better at that. Well first off I’ve been living with a couple for the past 5 months and in the beginning it was pretty cool they seemed very nice and welcoming. In actuality the guy came off as a complete douchebag and I have no remorse in saying that. I didn’t let it bother me because all I was thinking about was my goals I have and recording my next project so I said “ screw it”. I kept to myself and barely was ever home anyway, and when I was I wrote or recorded and just planned. Let me jump off and say that my next project “Heart on paper chronicles 2” is a classic. Ok now back to the subject at hand; within those five months the couple had several fights and the guy beat his girlfriend so bad! What sucked is that there was nothing I could do because I couldn’t see bruises on her face, but every time they argued in there room I could hear thumps, gagging, and blood curdling screams! And when they would see me, the girl would just stare at me or laugh nervously as if she wanted to say something or make light of it. I was so disturbed by this I didn’t know what to do and it sat on my heart like weights to a chest. The sad part is that’s not even the tip of the iceberg, there’s a climax to this situation! About five days ago I was woken up by the loudest thumps and screams it was unreal, and let me just say it sucked because it was the first night I actually fell asleep at a decent time and on the way to 5 or 6 hours of sleep. It was about 3:30 am and the fighting was so loud and I hear the girl saying “I hate you leave me alone!” Following that is “You ruined my life!” and just screams and thumps followed by bangs. So I go out of my room and see her run to another room and the guy follows aggressively and I peek in the room and see him hovered over her and yelling and every time he does she screams as she’s in the fetal position! I go back in my room and fall asleep for ten minutes and its even louder and she’s gagging this time and crying and I yell “what the fuck?!” and he storms out “were fighting if you don’t like it leave tomorrow!!” My first reaction was to knock him out for talking to me this way but then I said to myself “It’s not worth going to jail with all that you have at stake, and then bro he will call the cops and blame the whole incident on you, and the cops will take you because you’re the nigro!!” So I left it alone and talked to God for the next couple of days to find a solution to this issue. Within those days God answered as my best friend said it was ok for me to crash till New York is over(now im the roomate permanently), as I have my big show In New York city on the 30th of the month. He knew that this show is so big for us and just wanted things to be cool so I could get my mind right and not put too much stress on myself. God is a great God I have to say because he has been looking out for me. I was feeling like some of my plans leading up too New York was fizzling out. As there was a really nice realtor I met at Starbucks who executive produced a Tupac Shakur greatest hits album. He listened to my first project and wanted to help anyway he could. So he had planned to buy myself and Erix’s tickets for support. Three- weeks later He comes back and tells me he can’t do it because of his business going through legal issues and can’t really shell out anything because of the complications. From his facial expression I could tell he was telling the truth and he felt extremely bad.

As I had come to terms with this it got even harder because I’m like man with rent and cell phone and not having any songwriting opportunities and along with having a job I hate I’m like “all hell” things have gotten a million times more serious! But through all of this chaos and pressure God never faulted. I went into a woman’s office at the Grand building where My God-sisters gym is and wanted a reading as I felt that these dark forces were really pushing hard and I was losing strength and tons of sleep fighting them. She told me that God was calling me and wanted me to come back to him. As she said this I knew it was real because I was not really letting him lead the way in my life like I should. I was holding a grudge against him for years because of all I have been through in my life especially last year. She mentioned the spiritual battles I have fought and am continuing to fight and how there is a humongous calling on my life and how these forces don’t want me to live. As she was telling me this I’m like man this woman (whom I will continue to keep secret) is very gifted as I had not told her one single word about my life I just came in and said I wanted some help and she just went in with my life!!! She said she wanted to be my advisor and that I didn’t have to pay she just wanted to be involved because I really needed help. So I had started doing counseling sessions and getting scriptures to read and it’s funny because I grew up in church as my grandfather and dad are pastors and this activity with my advisor seemed ten times more real and genuine than one day in my families churches!!! My mother who also has her doctorate in Theology told me for years that most organized religion was rehearsed behavior which is very true.



On this day of July 23rd 2012 which is a Monday, Its 4 days until I leave for New York to perform in front of the quote un-quote big wigs in the music industry and I’m excited man because I truly believe in my Heavenly father and in this vision of "PurpleandStars" he has given me. I just think back to this time last year and I was nowhere as strong as I am now mentally and spiritually. I was baker-acted into the mental hospital for attempted suicide and not taking my medication, diagnosed  again (confirmation) with Bi-polar disorder and no money. I had given up on my dream of entertainment and was in there drugged up every day on meds barely able to function. I would sit in there and wonder “where do I go from here?” I mean I looked at everything as it was over, because the year before that I was jumped and beaten to a pulp outside of a bar  all for nothing!! I couldn’t see any light but through all of that Jesus Christ was right there beside me, giving me grace and embedding a vision again and really putting "Purpleandstars" in my heart and with this I will not quit as I stand for helping people and kids as I chase his dream and Mine and I end this as “Never quit” and I truly love you and God as well.



Cody Tyler signing off

The Logs Chap 6-10

Well, hello to all my friends out there! I want to start off by saying thank you for reading this second installment of this book series. The last time I talked to you was in December, and man how things have changed. Its crazy how in the blink of an eye, things in your life can change in an instant. I’m lost for words, and I don’t know where to begin, but here it is. All the believing and just focusing on getting out and believing in my dream had come to pass. One minute I was catching two busses to work, and the next I’m looking at cars and planning on moving to Miami to pursue music and film with my best friend, whom I hadn’t seen in over 4 years! The feeling I had was incredible, because every day I ran outside, I would listen to motivational quotes and speeches, and try to train my mind to be strong, and to only think positive thoughts. I’d wake up and listen to Pharrell Williams’ words of wisdom on YouTube. I think back to when I was staring out the window of the city bus and wondering how things had fallen so far down. And, how I was going to muster up enough strength to get out of my situation and keep believing. Every time I had to battle with my bipolar disorder, I would just tell myself, “There are people who need you, you can’t quit”, and that helped a lot. Time was passing quick, and with my new found small sum of money, I had enough to do what was necessary. But, the weird thing was at that time, certain people were on me about giving them money, and it was really irking me because, it was like they were trying to guilt me into giving them some money. I did give them some money, and it didn’t feel like I was doing it out of love, but because they were pressuring me to. Aside from that, I finally found the feeling of, I’m getting out and back to chasing my dreams.




The thing that I realized was, it’s not as valuable if you get what you want right away, because you don’t cherish it or appreciate it as much as you would if you had to fight to get it. I lost everything during those six months; even a relationship with my own mother, in a sense. The pain at that time was unbearable, and I had no idea how I was going to get out or what new challenges I had to face in Miami.

Its 11pm on March 31 in Miami, FL and I’m in my room with a candle and listening starpoints, “Object of desire”. Today was a challenge, because the previous night I had a falling out with a girl whom I won’t disclose, who is very manipulative. The whole month of March I was going on dinner dates with her, but in between these dinner dates there were traits of pure immaturity and no class, and I had stopped being friends with her twice. But, the sheer fear of being alone is what kept me going back. For instance, I would text her, and I would get no response for over 3 hours, and that’s me being nice. I can’t begin to explain all of the things she did that hurt me. But, last night we were supposed to go out, and she went to the Heats game with someone else, but called me to pick her up. For one, I did not know she was at the Heats game in the first place, she had sent me a text saying, “pick me up from the Heat stadium”, and I read it like, “Could you please pick me up from the Heat stadium”. She said, “I did not mean, not come get me”; that’s so rude of her, and these are things that occurred all the time; she played a lot of games, and I’m too old for that. On to other things of importance here in Miami, it hasn’t been easy; I see everything that I don’t ever want to be. Let me elaborate on this point, I don’t want to be shallow and let objects and money define me. I see that every day, and it’s sickening. Women who are only with guys for money, and out just for money! I see it every day and I tell myself, I hope I never become like anyone here. I’m no saint, I’m human, but it’s just really bad how we’ve become so shallow and bad hearted! It’s so bad, I don’t even want to look people in the eye, because it’s like I see through them from the feeling. That sounds outrageous, I know! Through all of these new discoveries I’m working hard on everything. I finally have the opportunity to attack my clothing line idea; with the help of a dear friend named Erik Nix, we are debuting it in May. The line got accepted into two of the hottest stores in North Miami! It’s called “Futuristic Retro”, and I’m so happy to have that in the works. You’d think through all of these different ventures I would be happy, but it’s the total opposite. Having Bipolar Disorder has to be the hardest disorder known to man! Every other night, I’m working and fighting all of the thoughts and feelings of sadness I have, which are overwhelming at times. I refuse to take my medicine because of the effects, so in turn I smoke marijuana and drink alcohol, which I know isn’t the best thing, but I do them within control. The other night was the hardest night I’ve had since being in the mental hospital, I lay in bed and cried myself to sleep. I say this with no embarrassment, because I’M STILL HERE! I am still talking to you, and planning my calendar to do mix tape projects, video releases, and campaigns. I will completely describe what happened that night; I laid in bed with my laptop next to me and my favorite purple throw on me. I was watching “Bless the child”, which is one of my favorite movies. I cried so hard through the movie, because I related to the character “Cody” (Ironic, how that’s my name). I say I relate to her, because she just wanted to help people and cared so much, and that’s me, just typing that made me tear up. I remember how in one scene she hugged a woman in a wheelchair who was sick with cancer, it was the most beautiful thing to see, and I could watch that scene over and over again. I would look up at the ceiling, and then look at my purpleandstars logo in the picture frame, and then back down, and cry more. I was scared, because it was like being in this deep dark place, and I knew that place was not where I wanted to be. The next thing I say isn’t good. I fought so hard and just kept saying, “There are people who need you, remember why you’re choosing this road”. It helped, and eventually I fell asleep without doing something tragic. March 31st 2012 and I sit with my Grey goose Le’orange and my pizza, as I listen to a friend’s mix tape and talk to you, my friends. It makes me feel good to say this, as there are 85,000 of you reading. Today was a hard day, I feel like I felt everyone else’s feelings. I know it sounds so insane, but I see people and, it’s not pretty, and it fucked with me, it’s really heavy. I would say to myself, “I can’t wait to go home and just immerse myself in my work”. I was holding back tears as I was overwhelmed with loneliness and just complete sadness, and then on top of seeing all of these materialistic people; it was just too much.

The thing that keeps me focused is the mission and the road I’ve chosen; the movie I have coming, and new music, books, etc. I will not quit, as I know I am chosen to be great; I know, if I can stay focused and guard my heart and energy, I will be ok. I love you all and I mean every single word. I say I love the world and I want to leave a legacy and movement that will be carried on forever, whether people think I’m crazy or not, I don’t CARE.

Chap 6-10 coming this month!!

Book coming Jan 31st